OF LOVE, LIFE AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN

friends.forever.

True Friends - Miley Cyrus

We sent our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're looking out for me
You've got my back
So good to have you around

You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cuz you keep my feet on the ground

You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside when somethin' ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
Till it's alright again
You're a true friend

You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I found

A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside when somethin' ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
Till it's alright again

True friends will go to the end of the earth
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on to the ups and the downs
Cuz they got someone to believe in

You're a true friend
You're here 'til the end
You pull me aside me aside when somethin' ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night,
No need to pretend

You're a true friend
You're here 'til the end
You pull me aside when somethin' ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend

You're a true friend
You're a true friend

***********now this is me talking***********

sesungguhnya i sangat grateful and thankful with my circle of friends. u guys are the greatest in the world.

dedicated to those who stuck with me come hell or high water. those who stayed in my ups and downs. those who never failed to be by my side no matter what. those who still hold my hand when everyone else doesnt. those who lifted me up when im falling down. those who still believed in me when rumours spreading out. u are the best. u are the greatest. and im so thankful to have u around.

ain.amal.along.neya.nahar.faiz.ezy.aifaa.fauzi.

thanks.for everything.

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.

finally.

TAHNIAH!

Anda berjaya dipanggil temuduga Guru Sandaran Terlatih Siswazah (GSTS) Keluaran IPTA Sesi Okt/Nov 2009. Berikut adalah maklumat panggilan temuduga tersebut:

No. Kad Pengenalan : 870509016048

Nama : Yuhaniz binti Anuar
Tempat Temuduga : Bahagian Teknologi Pendidikan Negeri,
No 1 Jalan Hang Jebat,
Taman Skudai Baru,
81300 Skudai,
Johor
Tarikh Temuduga : 29 Oktober 2009
Masa Temuduga : 8 pagi

besok jugak i cabut balik johor~

almost lover.

Almost lover - A Fine Frenzy
You fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you’d never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and I’m haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy for you
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

hmm.

di satu malam yg dh nak pagi dh pun..

him: sayang, abg rase kan org yg curi fon abg tu pakai penyepit la.

me: penyepit?mcm tweezer tu?

him: ape bende tu? sejenis kuih yg dh pupus ke?

me: bukan la. tweezer. yg salu org gune untuk kuarkan splinters tu.

him: splinters?

me: ye la. splinters. ala kalau kite pegang kayu2 yg dh nk reput tu, pastu serpihan kayu tu mcm termasuk kat dlm kulit kite tu. ala...ape ek splinters dlm bahasa melayu?

him: ntah. splinters tu ape pun abg tak tau. baru first time dgr ni.

me: hmmm..(fikir jap)..ha! selumbar! splinters tu selumbar la syg.

him: selumbar? ape tu?

me: abg ni. selumbar pun tatau. selumbar tu splinters la. yg serpih kayu masuk dlm kulit kite pastu sakit pastu bengkak tu.

him: syg tau tak, 23 tahun abg hidup, baru ni la first time abg dgr selumbar. abg baru nk save as dlm kepala abg ni.

me: tipu la. semua org pun tau selumbar. abg ni dulu skolah kat mane?

him: selumbar tu org pontian je yg pakai. org layang tak panggil bende tu selumbar.

me: ye la tu. abes org layang panggil bende tu ape?

him: selamber.

dikala ini i rase memg i dh ketuk die kalo die ade depan i.

me: byk la abg.

him: betul la. maybe abg pnh dgr kot tp tak register dlm kepala.

me: gile denial seh die ni (dlm hati je la).

him: syg, abg rase sbb perkataan tu la abg dpt B kot spm abg. syg memg hebat la. byk vocab bm. patut la dpt A spm dulu.

me: hmm memang. ha tapi tau tak tweezer tu ape?

him: tweezer tu bende ape la pulak?

me: ala bende kecik yg org bawak keluar splinters tu dpd tgn la.

him: la, yg org buat cabut uban tu? salah. tak menepati konsep betul la. abg ckp pasal penyepit la.

me: tweezer tu penyepit la.

him: bukan la. abg ckp pasal penyepit yg salu org pakai nk amek arang tu.

me: yg mcm sepit kuih tu ke?

him: bukan la. yg mcm gunting tu.

me: ok. pastu?

him: abg rase die sambungkan jadi panjang la. pastu gune bende tu la die curi fon abg.

me: ye lah.

mcm tu pun bleh jadi issue. hihi. but he is who he is. sunshine. lights up my day everytime. =)

some issue.

i miss u.

n it sucks, because i cannot miss u.

u cannot be missed.

but i miss u n i miss u so much it makes me wanna cry.

bcz it sucks.

but i miss u.

i miss u.

n i miss u.

it sucks.

n it hurts, too. deeply, even.

alone and lonely.

now its 3 am in the morning, and i hv to wake up early tomorrow (technically its today but whatever i dun care) bcz dr fauzi is fetching me at 10 o'clock. but i still cant sleep. yeah i know i hv a lot of trouble sleeping these days, but tonight, somehow its more troubling, u know.

bcz im alone tonight. alone in this home. n bcz i am a penakut person to an excruciating level, even the sound of a needle dropped on to the floor scares me. plus its deepavali n somehow my neighbours manage to feel the need of firing firecrackers at 3o'clock in the morning n clearly did not have the courtesy to let people sleep soundly on their bed. plus it sounds like its raining heavily outside. plus a truck driver decided to push his honk button at this moment. i am so scared, i couldnt even close my eyes. every sound registered, u know, n tiny, tiny little sound sounds like a bomb was dropped somewhere outside my house. yes i know i am 22 now n will become 23 in less than a year, n 23 is such an age where i start working n half way thru my masters n all, but im still as penakut as i was 20 years ago. my mother said when i was 2, i was so scared of people, that i cried even when my neighbour back then was looking at me. he was just looking for heaven sake, n i was in my mom's arms, n i cried. pathetic, was i? ha. ha. i dun care. i was a penakut kid, i am a penakut adult (am i matured enuf to legally become an adult now? i dunno. u decide) n i am not ashamed to admit that. what is wrong with being penakut? i am not a coward, im just afraid of many many things. haha.

so im spending my time playing cafe world, an application in facebook, while waiting for grey's anatomy to finish downloading. oh did u know that george died? he was dragged by a bus for like five miles or something, after pushing a woman out of the way. a stranger woman. how many of us will do that? i mean, im not sure i will. a total stranger. n i like george. n i missed him on the show. n now izzie has been fired. but i wont stop watching anyway. bcz i still cant get enough of derek, and his mcdreamy thing. haha.

tomorrow i'll be off to sg besar. somewhere between tg karang n tg malim, i think. i dont know. but the journey will take about 2 hours, i think. the treatment will take place on monday afternoon, actually, but dr fauzi needs us to be there in the morning to set up 3 computer labs, n we have to pack the goodie bags for all the subjects, that is to say, form 2 students in SMK Sg Besar who will be involved in this study. so there's a lot of work to be done, n that's why we are leaving tomorrow. n we will spend the night at ellie's house. ellie is one of the 5 masters students who are involved in this study. the others, well, there's me, of course, aifaa, izzah, n fazliana, or mek na, dr fauzi's RA, zaimah, n dr fauzi.

i think i need to lay down now. hope to get some sleep before tomorrow.

till then.

to my man.

i love you and i love you more everyday. so dont stop loving me and dont give up on me. i know i am such a selfish bitch sometimes, but it doesnt mean that i love you less. please, dont give up on me. u are my definition of a man, u are perfect for me. i love u because u are u. so dont stop being u. because u are perfect for me. u made my day. u are one of the best thing that ever happened to me.

and i look forward to the day we become one.

pantang.

this pantang i am going to talk about is not ko-memg-pantang-jumpe-durian-ko-mesti-nak-telan-20-biji pantang, nor ko-memg-pantang-jumpe-aku-ko-mesti-nak-buat-aku-sakit-hati pantang. this is ko-kene-pantang-makan-bende-ni-beb-kalo-tak-ko-bleh-bentan-punye pantang. n being told not to eat something u have been eaten like the rest of ur life is soo annoying u know, especially when it is for-ur-own-good kind of thing.

n i do hv a thing for fat. real fat, like kulit ayam. u know that pak mail (he's the family fren who also is an alternative medicine practitioner) said that kulit ayam adalah lemak yang paling lemak dalam dunia. n it is also my favourite (look at my size now n u will see that i eat kulit ayam religiously).

n seeing that the problem with me is my hempedu cannot function well, n everybody who took biology for their spm will know that jus hempedu tu berfungsi untuk digest lemak, so i was being told to avoid all kind of lemak, because my digestion system will not be able to digest them properly. n i am not to eat outside food anymore, for we dont know if they have re-use the cooking oil for God knows how many times. fast food are also out, which means no KFC, no McD, no pizzahut, no ayamas whatsoever. mamak memg dh out awal2, so no roti canai kosong for me. that means i have to cook my own food, or eat rotis n vegetables n fruits n those rabbit food for a change. n when im cooking, i am not to use and re-use cooking oil. that means i hv to buy a whole stock of minyak masak after this, for i hv to throw them away after using them. n my favourite food, kulit ayam, is the most forbidden. like some kind of racun or something. ok, everybody knows kulit ayam memg no good for ur health. but they eat it anyway, right? so did i. so after this i hv to go for chicken breast for a change. oh i hate chicken breast. *frown.

why am i talkin about this? bcz i never care which food i can eat n which food i cant. i cannot eat prawns bcz they will give me boils all around my fingers, but i eat them anyway. i cannot eat nasi minyak with all those lauk that come with it, bcz they will give me headache, but i eat nasi minyak anyway. what do i care if i hv boils all around me or acute headache that pins me to the bed? i dont want to miss all those nikmat from the food i cant eat.

but when my mom said, ' mak cakap je, bagi tau, kalo ko nak hidup lama, ko elak la, tapi kalo ko rase dh byk sgt pahala dh ckup nk masuk syurga, ko buatla ikut suka hati ko', i tersentak. huhu. mak ni, sentap betul la. give me an ultimatum about life and death. so rase takut pun dtg. sbb i know, i blum ckup amal lagi nak jumpa Tuhan skrg. i need all those years i can have to repent and do all good deeds i can manage.

maka i bertekad, mulai daripada saat ini, i akan take my meds religiously. i will avoid oily food. i will not buy food outside if i could help it. i will stay away from fastfood n mamak. bcz i need to live longer. i dont want to kill myself. ok, not jump-off-the-roof punye suicidal, but u get what i mean. i will try to live a healthy life and eat healthy food.

ckp memg senang beb. nak buat? nak tinggalkan life yg kite dh hidup for 20 years? old habits die hard. really hard. but i will try. for me. for my mom. for my dad. for my family. for my future.

ps: u might wonder why i cant take my meds on time. bcz these meds, they need to be eaten with empty stomach. empty. perut kosong. i mean, i ate my meds like every morning when i woke up, but for the rest of the day, my stomach never empties. u see my problem? i dont have empty stomach, how can i take my meds? maybe after this i shud eat on time. an eating schedule is what i need. or maybe i cud eat a little bit less? i dont know.

whatever suits u. or not.

Ape yg penting?
Kemaafan..
Ape yg penting?
Keinsafan..
Binatang peliharaan hebat, binatang peliharaan hebat,
kami datang,
meminta kemaafan dan kami insaf
kami xbuat lagi dan kami xkn buat lagi
menyakitkan hati kamu untuk selamanya..

***now this is me talking***

sorry, did u just called me 'binatang peliharaan'?

u think its cute?

no its cute. it is so not cute.

bcz im all offended.

seriously, asking for forgiveness n calling people 'binatang peliharaan hebat' at the same time is not a good way to say 'im sorry', right?

wud u ever forgive people who called u 'binatang peliharaan'?

no wonder its so hard for u to respect me as a human being with feelings as acute as yours. bcz i was never a human to u. i was more a binatang peliharaan hebat.

and seriously, 'binatang peliharaan hebat' sounds more insulting than 'wonderpet'.

all the more reasons to not forgive, right?

whatever. save ur apologies.

screw u.

could it be worse.....?

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Fix You - Coldplay

hmm.

it has been a while since my last post kan.

so many things happen kot since the last post, which was about 8 days ago.

1) khairul's n73 went missing. missing. taken by a pencuri bongok while he's sleeping. the fon dh almost 3 years old dh, n full with lots n lots n lots of sentimental values. jahat kan pencurik tu? well anyway sbb phoning n texting are the only means of communications between us, ptg tu jugak he bought a new phone. LG. RM99. hahaha. dh bese pakai fon canggih, ha, amek la, kembali ke zaman polifonik. skrg he's torn between installing a new skirting on his already-got-a-nice-set-of-skirting car or buy a new phone with cameras n 3G so that we can make video calls n send MMSes like we always did. boleh plak die tanye pendapat i. of course lah i paksa die beli fon. bukannye kalo beli pasang skirting tu die bleh video call n MMS dgn i kan, actually i tak kisah pun kalo die beli fon baru ke tak, cume dpd die spend rm8++ over an unnecessary skirting, baikla beli fon kan. kan. kan.

2) i practically went home every weekend. my mom bawak i pg jumpe our family fren yg jugak an alternative medicine practitioner. n he said my bladder dh swollen twice the original size, n keeps extracting extra juices. so mende tu dh mess with my digestion system yg memg tak berape nk betul ni. kalo dibiarkan, if somehow the extra juices manage to enter my womb, bleh end up jd fibroid. pakcik tu kate la. so pakcik tu bg ubat n suruh pantang. no lemak2, elak mkn mknn yg dh dipanaskan byk2 kali, so that means mamak is out. hihi. so every week kene dtg jumpe pakcik tu untuk tgk progress.

3) workload dh thru the roof. sgt byk. super byk. dn skrg ni i pening mane nk buat dulu. rase kene ade to-do list la kat dlm blog ni. so everytime i waste my precious time visiting my own blog instead of finishing my works, i akan insaf dn terus menyiapkn keje. oh. bolehkah i buat to-do lists kat facebook n farmville???

4) just now, we were hosting a rumah terbuka. byk jugak la mknn, i myself memg tak bleh berhenti. huhu. tak ramai pun guests, sbb kawan2 kitorg ramai yg dh balik negeri masing2 after graduate dn yg tinggal cume kami2 yg sambung blaja jek. huhu. memg tiring gile la. tp dh siap kemas cuci pinggan sume dh, skrg ni pun i tgh thn mata sbb nk harvest aloe vera kat farm ville. jab lg dh fully grown. last time i checked dh 90%. uhuhu. bertahanlah wahai mata.

i miss khairul. so so much. i miss him. truly truly miss him. lagi2 bile dgr die mengadu tak selesa sbb selesema. oh God i miss him.

ok. that's it for now. rasenye kalo sempat esok bleh upload gmbr open house ri ni. tp esok jadual sgt padat. i hv two-weeks-worth of laundry to be laundered n it will take all morning. pkul 2 dh ade last lab, n claim pun tak buat lagi. oh sebenarnye i dh lupe my password untuk website bendahari. takpelah esok boleh ingat balik. skrg i tak larat nk recall. lab abes pkul 5, n i hv research method class 6-9. balik pkul 9 mesti terbongkang atas katil terus tido. dh la ade feeling yg tomorrow or the day after tomorrow akan jadi the day of the month. kesakitannye dh mule terasa. haih.

Tuhan. berilah ku kekuatan.

ps:bile i post dgn title 'hmm' tu maksudnye i dh tatau nk bg post tu tajuk ape. n there will be lots of 'hmm' entries to come. hahaha.

oh mengapa.

kerja sangat banyak.

sangat banyak.

super banyak.

proposal.

presentations.with s.

tutorial.

courseware.

marking lab reports.

and yet perasaan malas tidak mahu pergi.

mengapa.

oh mengapa.

oh mengapa oh mengapa.

pergilah wahai malas.

berilah peluang kepada diri ini untuk menyiapkan kerja yang bertimbun ini.

kenapa la hai.

i have to drive today. all the way to johor. mind u, johor bukan muar johor. tp pontian johor. literally twice the journey from here, serdang.4-hours drive.

n yet i still have trouble sleeping.

smlm mase pg amek elia kat ulu kelang n was stucked in traffic jam all the way dpd jalan ampang sampai la masuk ke mrrII, mate punye la meronta-ronta minta ditutup.

tp bila dah sampai rumah, dah pukul 3.00 pagi pun masih tak bleh tido.

n still terjaga pkul 4.45 out of habit.

so setakat ni baru tido 1 jam 45 minit. blom lagi kire berapa kali terjaga.

maka i telah memasak sup ayam untuk juadah sahur.

harap2 boleh tido selepas subuh, i plan nak gerak pkul 8 pagi. takut la tersengguk2 mase drive. dah la hari ni kereta kat highway confirm banyak gila.

jauhnya perjalanan. doakan i selamat sampai.

amin.

mari mari.

tadi ke ikea. belikan mak teaset:rm39 yg sgt cantik, dan tray plastik rm4.90.

harap mak suka.

esok mahu pulang ke kampung halaman.

driving alone, so hopefully selamat sampai in one piece.

amin.

tak sabar nk tengok baju raya colour ape.

so nak ucapkan

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

tears can only do so much.

Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal
Bila aku gunakan
Kau yang menyangkal
Bagaimana nak kekal

Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda
Bila aku gunakan
Kau yang tak percaya
Bagaimana nak bahagia

Maaf mu tak bererti kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji
Terperdaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia bagiku
Kaulah derita bagiku
Lusamu tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya
Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa
Bagaimana hendak ku lupa
Bayangan wajahmu
Selalu di depan mata
Harum baumu
Masih dapat ku hidu

Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu
Jikalau setiap hari merindu

Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu
Sebenarnya bahagia

Aku pilih derita

Kaulah bahagia bagiku
Kaulah derita bagiku
Esok lusamu tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Mungkinkah esok atau lusa
Walau biarpun lama
Akan ku biar tiada
Ku tetap kan setia

Entah bila akan tiba
Sampai jua harimu yang sama
Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah

Kaulah tanda tanya
Kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena
Dikejut igau semula

Seandainya kau berada di depan mata
Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata
Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu
Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu
Apa lagi memandangku

Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan
Kau mainkan perasaan
Begitu mudah kau ucapkan
Terimalah saja kenyataan

Aku masih terkilan

Maafmu tak bererti kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji
Terperdaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia bagiku
Kaulah derita bagiku
Esok lusamu tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Jika kau dapat memahami
Hati seorang perindu
Baru kau tahu
Derita hatiku

Jika suatu hari nanti
Giliran kau merindu
Baru kau ingat
Derita diriku

Segala yang berlaku
Bukan kemahuan ku
Apa gunanya bahagia
Jikalau bahagia bersamamu
Hanyalah untuk sementara waktu

Aku pilih derita merinduimu

Maaf mu tak bererti kau mudah sesalu
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji
Terperdaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia bagiku
Kaulah derita bagiku
Esok lusamu tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Tak ku kenal engkau siapa

Derita Merindu - Ahli Fiqir

sampai syurga.

dedicated to mr khairul fadzli; u are one concrete reason to fight and live for.

Ku membenarkan jiwaku untuk mencintaimu

Ku persembahkan hidupku untuk bersama kamu

Dan diriku untuk kamu

Belum pernah kumerasai begitu

Semua itu telah berlalu

Harapanku palsu

Dan mungkin hari yang satu terus ku tertunggu

Di hatiku masih kamu

Belum pernah ku ingin terus memburu

Aku lemah tanpa kamu

Ku inginmu dampingi ku

Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik untuk dirimu

Sampai syurga ku menunggu

Sampai syurga ku cinta mu

Hanya satu

Hanya kamu

Ku membiarkan hatiku untuk merinduimu

Ku menghamparkan sakitku untuk tatapan kamu

Bersamamu harapanku hilang dalam terang yang membutakanku

Dan segala yang ku ada

Ku berikan semua untuk dirimu saja

Ku mahu dirimu bahagia untuk selamanya

Biar sampai syurga aku menunggu cinta darimu

Agar ku sempurna

Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik untuk dirimu

Namun aku tetap aku

Yang terbaik tuk diriku hanya satu

Sampai syurga ku menunggu

Sampai syurga ku cintamu

Hanya kamu

sometimes.

kenape i smbung master:

1. sbb i kalo bleh nk elak mengajar kat skolah sbb i kurg sabar. so untuk mengajar di poli, uni, maktab, its easier if i have the highest qualification. so i sambung master.

2. sbb i tak mungkin posting sehingga bulan 1 tahun depan (interview pun belum kene panggil lagi) so i might as well spend the whole 7 months studying, sbb i tetap akan sambung my master anyway. this way, i tak membazir masa. so i sambung master.

3. i practically spent half my age away from my parents. i masuk boarding school, then matrikulasi, then here i am, UPM. so i was used to doing things my way, doing what i want, whenever i want. n i dont want to lose that freedom, not yet. so i sambung master.

n that is our theme for this entry.

freedom.

bukan i tak syg parents i. i love them more than anything i know. i love them more than i love myself. i love being with them. i suke balik umah. even i jauh dpd umah, i will always find time to balik. even for 2 days, weekend. i sanggup penat2 dlm bus semata2 nk balik umah dn spend some time with my family. i sanggup balik umah penat2 untuk jenguk umah once in a while, semata2 untuk tlg my mom kemas the whole house sbb i know she did not have the time. i appreciate that my parents gave me the car, the money every month, n everything. i am sooo grateful. n i love my parents. i really, really, really do. i cannot imagine my life without them.

but i was so used of doing things my way. buat ape yg i nk buat, bile i nk buat. i bukan jenis yg kuar mlm every night. i am so a homey person. i lebih byk spend mase kat umah kalo i takde ape2 urusan pntg. i pnh tak kuar dpd umah for 3 days, smpi my housemate kate kalo die, die akan rase serabut sbb boring gile dok umah. tp i tak. i suke dok umah.

tp bile i nk kuar once in a while, bile i terase nk mkn kat kfc, bile i terase nk amek angin jalan2 kat luar, bile i terase nk pg jalan dkt shopping complex for nothing, i boleh buat. i tak perlu mintak izin sesiapa. ok, mungkin i akan btau khairul where am i going, dgn sape, tp tu sume i dh terbiasa buat. n he never said no. ok, mungkin kdg2 die kate tak boleh. tp as long as i kuar dgn kwn2 perempuan, kalo ade lelaki pun takpe asalkan bukan berdua, asalkan i tak pergi tempat pelik2, asalkan i tak balik lewat sgt, its ok with him. but the point is, i have the freedom. i was so used with the freedom.

dn bile balik umah, my parents' house i mean, i dun hv the freedom. ok. maybe i tak rase sgt, sbb i memg jarang dok rumah lame for one thing, dn salunye bile i balik, i takde kawan pun nk hang out. so mostly i akan spend my time kat umah je, helping my mom with the house chores n all that. no problem with me. i dah biasa kemas umah. i dh biasa mop lantai. i dh biasa cuci toilet. i dh biasa masak untuk adik2 i kalo my mom tak smpat balik untuk masak lunch (which usually, bile i ade kat umah, my mom memg tak balik lunch), i dh biasa jd despatch 4 my mom, untuk hantar all those dental cases to the clinics.

cume, bile i kat umah, i rase tak bebas. kalo i ade kat umah 2 bulan, 2 bulan la i di umah. literally inside the house. i tak pnh ade kwn2 yg ajak i kuar, bcz the only fren yg salu ajak i kuar bile i kat umah is amal, n she's rarely at home. i memg tak ramai kwn hang out. seriously. cume salunye, 2 bulan i kat umah, 2 bulan lah i tak jumpe khairul. n he gets that, die tau yg i memg susah nk kuar bile i dh kat umah.

dn oleh sbb i jarang kuar umah bile i kat umah, my mom selalunya takde mslh kalo i nk kuar pg mane2. as long as everything kat umah dh siap, umah dh kemas, laundry dh siap, dapur dh lap, my mom takde mslh nk lepaskan i kuar. tp around pontian only. i jrg sgt ke jb. dn i jrg kuar mlm, so usually by 7pm, i dh ade kat umah. dn bile kdg2 i n adik kuar mlm pun, sbb pg beli kfc (take away) n pg pasar mlm. that's it. memg life i sgt dull.

n i tau, the longer i stay at home, the higher the possibility for me to have those misunderstanding moments with my mom. ntahlah. lagi lame i kat umah, lagi sensitif my mom jdnya. everything pun seems wrong to her. mungkin sbb my mom tension dgn kerja, so since im at home, so she sorts of lepaskan kat i. kdg2 bukan marah pun, cume terlepas. i fhm. i know she's tired and all that. i get that. that's why la, i seboleh2 nye cube nk elak those misunderstanding. by staying at home for not too long. long enuf for me to lepaskan all the rindu, tp not so long for those moments to be triggered. i love my mom, i know she'd done her best for the family. for me. i know she'd gave me everything she can. that's why i dont want to hv those moments with her. i guess, daughters are made to be away from their moms. mungkin sbb kite dh besar, dh ade kehendak sendiri, dh ade care berfikir sendiri.

dn untuk amal, ain dn sesiapa yg mengalami masalah ini, bersabarlah. if u cant take it anymore, try to get away from home. tp secara berhemah. secara lembut. secara yg tidak boleh membuatkan mak ayah terluka. kerana kite, the daughters, are still their responsibilities. bcz no matter how old are we, we will always be their child. their children. kerana pd mata diorg, kite tak pernah membesar. kite masih perlu dilindungi. bcz they still cannot trust us, n they never will. bcz they love us. n we love them too. dn kerana syurga itu tetap di bwh tapak kaki ibu.

or u can further ur studies, like i did.

=)

lets talk medicine.

literally, i mean.

presenting.

my very own collection of:

antacid.

nexium.

ni due2 obat sakit perut. yg antacid tu sume org tau la kot, ubat gastrik. kalo org kampung panggil, air kapur.kot. tp jauh lg sedap la dpd air kapur. ahaha. fungsi die, meneutralkan stomach acid. kite tau kan yg dlm perut kite ade acid. untuk tlg hadam mknn. so bile gastrik, acid ni terlebih. so fungsi antacid ni, mcm counteracts la dgn stomach acid tu. yg nexium tu, die kurgkan formation gastric acid. hihi. tu yg dr ckp la.i tak amek farmakologi mahupun medical. =P.

dan ni adalah bekalan ubat untuk 10 hari, yg telah di prescribe oleh dr pagi td semase i ke PK.

been scheduled for an endoscopy after raya.

last capsule of cephalexin monohydrate 250mg

FINALLY!!

random.

1. i rase mcm nk ketuk kepale sendiri sbb lupe bwk lens case n solution pdhl dh siap packing dh.

2. skrg i tgh tgu subuh, sbb kalo i tido skrg (now its 5.26am) alamatnye my subuh akan ke laut.

3. i rase grateful sbb esok (sunday) hari last mkn antibiotic. antibiotic tu rase die sungguh hell. oh bulan puasa. ampun.

4. so far, total hari i kene ganti puasa adalah sbnyk 12 hari. dn hrp no tu takkan meningkat.

5. on monday i nk pg PK sbb my vomitting ni tak stop lg despite antibiotic yg dh abes.

6. i balik pontian hari jumaat. note to amal: bile ko nk buke puasa dgn aku plak babe?

7. i skrg tgh bace harry potter and the goblet of fire for the i-lost-count-already-th time.

8. i ade kelas hari isnin yg i tatau kene present ke tak,tp i tak buat ape2 preparation pun.

9. hari yg i balik johor tu, my boyfren n family akan balik kl (kampung ibu die kat kepong). sgt sakit hati kan.

10. esok i nk tolong my aunt buat biskut arab dn cappuccino.

11. i nk ucap slmt bekerja kpd my besfren, nahar yg akan memulakan kerjanya di ipoh (die org mersing) pd minggu terakhir ramadan (this monday), dgn ucapan, smoga dpt cuti raya.

12. i dh ckp dgn my ex-clasmet, afiq (name glamer die, apek) yg i nk menyibuk kalo die nk buat konvoi raye dgn clasmet2 i yg len. kalo die tak ajak, i kecik ati. note to amal: ko termasuk dlm perancangan ok.

13. i kene buat spek baru. i dh delay lame sbb lens spek tu dh kurg power or my eyes yg dh increase power, i dont know. yg penting, i delay dh lame. skrg die sudah patah. so i btul2 kene buat spek baru.

14. ok dh abes idea. tp belum masuk waktu subuh.

15. mase pencurik bodoh tu curik laptop i, die tak curi my mouse. n my rm40 phillips earphone. pdhl my housemate punye headphone yg lg murah die bleh curi. mungkin sbb headphone tu bentuk lg sophistikated, dn pencurik bodoh tu ingat headphone tu lg mahal.

16. i ade impian nk beli lg satu set buku harry potter, walaupun i dh ade satu set skrg.

17. boyfren i ajak i kawen bulan sepuluh tahun depan.

18. boyfren i ajak gi kursus kawen bulan depan.

19. pcaye atau tidak, i tido dikelilingi dgn balang2 kuih yg tinggal tunggu mase je nk jumpe tuan2 baru. literally. pcaye atau tidak (believe it or not).

20. laptop baru i ni, cume ade 2 je usb port. pdhl i ade modem broadband, mouse dn cooler. blom lg masuk kalo nk cucuk pendrive. oh i miss my old laptop yg dh dicurik oleh pencurik bodoh itu. die ade 4 usb port.i bleh bermaharajalela.

21. ok dh 5.45am. subuh dh masuk.